i love books. really.

Check out what I found at the Salvation Army. Have I mentioned I love that place?

A very young guy shopper was checking me out...you know, kind of trying to get me to look at him in return. Of course I'm sighing and trying to telepathically tell him to GET OUT OF THE FRIGGIN WAY because I am trying to look at books.

I wonder if this is why I had trouble getting dates when I was single?

new year.

*kitchen*

Thoughts are kind of doing a marble-roll in my brain tonight. How 2012 is here. How, without really trying to, I'm handling the promise of a new year in a completely different way. I'm not really making "resolutions" anymore. I used to make lists, like everyone else, of things I wanted to acheive or eliminate and, like everyone else, I never stuck to these lists and sometimes threw them away in frustration.

I'm not sure that I really expect anything anymore. And I don't mean that in a hopeless way, not at all. But...let's just say that I am letting go. I am letting go of having so much damn expectation about everything. I am letting go of hate and trouble and difficulty. I am letting these things fall through my fingers like sand, so that I can make all kinds of room for more good in the new year.

I do have a few things I've been a little obsessed with lately. I'm feeling much better, and there's a good chance my health might continue to improve, so....wow, that right there just opens up a whole new set of doors. The word school is jigging around up there. I'm exploring my options and doing my research, but being extra careful to not put too much stake into anything.

Usually when my brain is so full, I get all frantic and panicky and weird. But this is a different full. It's good stuff. I'm not judging my own experience in any way, and that feels wonderful. (I think that releasing ceremony might have gone a little deeper than I already knew.)

Also, spring will be here before we know it, and there will be flowers again. So that's something to think about, isn't it?

book page ornaments.

These will be the party favors for my Christmas day brunch. Everyone will get one on their plate, and each are completely unique.

book paper, thread, seam binding, squares of an old pastel sketch i didn't like

Have a good Christmas everyone. :)

bye bye shadow.

Yesterday was exciting. I did my very first releasing ceremony and my husband participated with me. I learned from the beautiful Pixie Campbell and her Mother of All Releasing Ceremonies. What an amazing teacher this wonderful woman has become, not just to me, but to so many women around the country (and a few willing men too).

strips of paper for my releasing wishes

in the end, i had quite a few

we gathered our materials: our wishes, lavendar, and tobacco

we put them in the woodstove

release!!!

we said a prayer as the bundles burned. then we watched them turn to ash.

I have to say, this felt really good. What made it even better was knowing that so many other amazing people were doing the exact same thing with the exact same intention. Powerful stuff, I tell you! I'm definitely doing this every year. My thanks goes out to Pixie, for introducing me to this and so many other wonderful things.

And now, rest. Because I have actually come down with a cold.

night-walking.

health and wealth.

Well folks, it's official. We are having a poor Christmas this year. I don't even mind it really, except  when I'm looking at all these stylish blogs where stylish people are purchasing stylish gifts for their stylish friends. So let's just avoid those, shall we?

Maybe I shouldn't say poor, I should say "handmade". Because that is actually true. This year, I will be hosting a Christmas morning pancake breakfast, and every person will have a completely different ornament on their place setting, made out of book paper, of course. I'll post a picture of those as soon as they're done.

This year we're really trying to put the emphasis on Jesus, especially for Hayden. Explaining that Christmas is his birthday and all that. I'm trying to get him into the whole story, Mary and Joseph and the angel from heaven, and he likes it, but he also likes Santa Claus. And I'm conflicted about this--I don't want to steal that childhood Santa Claus magic. So I'm sort of letting that slide, but making sure I teach him about what Christmas really is.

For those of you wondering--and you were, I'm sure--about the current status of my health, let's just say that I'm improving. Not quite where doctors want to see me yet but that will take more time. I'm still anemic, but maybe just not deathly so at this point. As for my shitty excuse of a neck, I'll be seeing an orthopedic specialist next Friday. I've been praying for the right hands, and hopefully these will be. We'll see.

I recently finished taking an e-course by the glorious Madelyn Mulvaney, and I feel the need to shamelessly promote this woman. Her Persisting Soul course woke something up in me that's been buried for a long while. What can I say? I look back at my life and see a lot of pain. I know, isn't that sad? But it's true. And a lot of pain and sadness can make it a little hard to see the beauty that's all around. I think I just got tired. Like, really, soul-achingly, sand-for-bones tired. I stopped looking. For anything. But I did pray.

"Lord, please send me something to make me feel again."

And then along came Maddie. Just like that. If you need a pick-me-up, or just need to flex some creative muscle, then PLEASE, for the love of whatever, take one of her e-courses. You will not regret the decision, I absolutely promise you.

*taken for Persisting Soul, week 1*

Another thing this course did was got me writing again. The images I gathered inspired poems, which eventually inspires short stories. I'm proud to say that I'm once again sending my writing out into the universe, hoping for a good response. It's been a long time.

So life is good lately. And terrible. And strange. And quite beautiful. Ever-shifting.

ooooohh, i'm still alive...

That's a song by Pearl Jam, in case you didn't know. Sigh. Dork.

Anyway, I'm still here friends! Just going through a lot of rough stuff. See that? It's underlined. Which means it's pretty major. I don't bother moving my hand to click the underline icon thingy very often.

An update of much more substance coming soon.

starry night.

mine

hayden's