Taking Stock

Sewing lesson for the small. He made a drawstring pouch.

I haven't been able to write lately, by which I mean I literally can't think of anything to say. I haven't touched my personal journal in....one month? Two? In any case, I found this great blog, which lead me to this great blog, which led me to this idea, so I thought I'd try it.

Making : a triangular, rust-colored shawl that I feel I've been knitting my entire life.


Cooking : something having to do with turkey. Turkey burgers? Turkey chili? 


Drinking : a very light, lovely green tea with roses, gifted to me from my sis-in-law.


Reading: just finished Carry On, which I highly recommend. Now I'm moving on to this and this, plus whatever additional goodies I find at the library this week.


Wanting: this coloring book, auburn hair, time to myself, and a tiny house in the country.


Looking: at my "Pretty" Pinterest board; lots of little things that make me happy there.


Playing: The Last Of Us (does this category pertain to video games, among other things? I'm running with it!)


Deciding: where we want to move. We're leaning towards the country/outskirts somewhere. Not too far removed, but definitely not in town.


Wishing: for a new home. A change.


Enjoying: the fact that while everyone out front is stuck in 5 o'clock traffic, I'm in here with furry boots on my feet and cup of tea in hand.


Waiting: to hear about a new job opportunity for hub.


Liking: our slow, homeschooling days. I struggle with feeling like we're not doing enough. So many families are booked solid with lessons...music, gymnastics, dance, sports....but then I remember how spontaneous we can be, because we aren't bogged down with a bunch of other stuff.


Wondering: who pays over $3,000/month for rent? Who are these people?


Loving: this Instagram. So much good inspiration there.


Pondering: making these.


Considering: finally making my own kimchii.


Buying: goat cheese :)


Watching: the final season of Downton Abbey. You cannot know how upset I am that this is it.


Hoping: for spring to come early.


Marvelling: at my skills of procrastination and my refusal to take naps.


Cringing: at Republicans. Every damn day.


Needing: a long, hot bath.


Questioning: why women are now wearing their nails long, pointy, and slightly rounded at the tip. I tried to imagine myself so fashionable, but really just ended up imagining all the bodily harm I'd do to myself.


Smelling: roses.


Wearing: full-on cozy gear. Favorite jeans, favorite hoodie, knitted beanie, warm socks, and big boots.


Following: this blog. I don't know what it says, but it's lovely.


Noticing: my son really needs a haircut. 


Knowing: it's soon time to exercise and make dinner.


Thinking: about houses. Houses, caravans, campers, shacks, you name it.


Admiring: our newly put-together nature shelves (actually, it's my china cabinet).


Sorting: clothes and books. Continuously. 


Getting: excited for the possibility of starting over, if such a thing exists.


Bookmarking: this recipe.


Coveting: this swimsuit.


Disliking: Donald Trump. I know, you're shocked.


Opening: my heart. Trying to, anyway. Certain circumstances lately have been closing it off.


Giggling: at The Eternal Dilemna.


Feeling: hungry.


Snacking: I don't have snacks near my computer. Do you have snacks near your computer? Can I have some?


Helping: my wee one quell his nervousness at meeting new friends.


Hearing: a distant video game being played (Star Wars, me thinks), the bathtub filling, distant sounds of traffic, my tummy rumbling. 

What I Did This Summer.

I ran. I ran down every back street and alley in my little town. I ran in the woods. I ran through creeks. I ran in the rain. I ran in 100 degree weather, something I do not advise. Then I stopped running, not by my choice, but there I was.

 I had multiple minor surgeries, and something called "nerve-burning", which I also do not advise unless you absolutely must. I felt afraid. A lot. I cried. Bawled, wailed, you name it. I cried a lot this summer. And I also laughed. At the futility of even pretending that we have control over our lives, at all the ways we create the illusion of control, the ways we attempt to hold our fates in our tight, controlling hands. I belly-laughed too, which is a different sort of laughter. I laughed in bed when I couldn't go anywhere, I laughed by the firepit in the middle of the night, I laughed at and with my son, at and with my husband.

I prayed this summer. I prayed intentional prayers, well-thought-out prayers, full of poetry and light. I prayed in gibberish, in tongues, in and through tears and out through my lips, and I prayed in the quiet of the night by the sleeping figures of my loved ones. I prayed that in facing my own darkness, I would come out victorious. And I did.

I ate. I ate berries for nearly every meal, either alone, or scattered across pancakes, or my morning oatmeal, or yogurt. I ate corn on the cob so crunchy and sweet that the kernels burst open between your teeth, salty and buttery, sometimes an entire meal being nothing but sweet corn and herb butter. I ate ice cream on the beach, cold in my mouth while the sand was hot on my feet. I ate perfect, tiny, glazed doughnuts and washed them down with cup after cup of strong coffee. Oh, and I drank. I drank wine. And beer. Iced tea with mint sprigs and sliced peaches. Glasses and glasses of ice water. Ginger ale when I didn't feel well. Smoothies when I did.

I painted. I danced (a little). I sang in my kitchen. I designed invitations for my brother's wedding. I collected things, feather, shells, leaves, flowers, pieces of tree bark, dirty old things, found paper. I wrote a lot of poems, some terrible, and some lovely. I hula hooped. I gardened barefoot. I grew a little. I made love. And war. I hugged trees. I swam deep. I explored. I hibernated. I missed people that I love.

What did you do this summer?

belated thankfulness.

Though my thoughts are swirling and sleepless, I can still manage a little belated thankfulness:

My husband, who sits up in bed with me watching television, looks at his ancient, graying socks and says, "What the hell am I wearing?!"

My son, that incredibly intelligent being, who knows more than I can guess, and needs my help only sparingly. Oh, and when he clarifies that "I didn't say 'shit' Momma, I said 'sit'." Good to know.

This house we live in, and the beautiful rooms we've created out of nothing but a little moxy and some recycling. I admittedly get a little bummed at the disheveled state of things, that our televisions aren't flat-screen's, that we can't afford Iphones and Ipads, etc., because we really are a bit on the poor side. But then I feel a sort of sweet relief when I look around and realize that or house looks like a home, not a Radio Shack, and that makes me happy.

Good food, always. God consistently gives us enough to eat. We've never gone hungry.

My Pinterest boards and the never-ending rotation of inspiration I find there.

I have a studio. It's a tiny room, and I keep it sparse so that I can spread out fabric and canvas on the floor. It has two windows that let in a huge amount of light. It's cold, placed right over the garage, but it's mine, just mine.

My family, a host of wonky characters, who always keep me laughing no matter how dismal conditions might seem. Our gatherings see me heading home with an aching belly, and not because of the food.

And as always, I'm thankful for the rows and rows of 99cent books at the thrift store, letting me zone out and hunt for treasure, all in one place.

this fall.

This fall I want to

make pumpkin soup
go on long, chilly runs on the rail trail
make cinnamon-smelling potpourri for the house
throw a hot chocolate and fire pit party
take the husband on a bike riding date
embroider a poem
make glitter covered jack-o'-lanterns for the front stoop
make dried apple chips
possibly get away from it all
designate a family movie night
paint something, anything
clean up the house, top to bottom

What are you going to do this fall?

Wednesday

green tea with honey
wishing on dandelion fluff
thinking about Michelle Obama's fantastic speech (and fantastic biceps)
thinking bubble baths should be a daily thing
rereading e. e. cumming's
marveling at the shady characters visiting the DMV
eating dark chocolate with almonds and sea salt
wearing my hair in this style
managing a little boy's first-grade-anxiety tears
thinking of camping but settling for porch sitting and s'mores
running the thought of college through my brain
realizing i am stranger than most others i know

I am loving...

Some stuff I'm loving this week:

Jennifer Altman's  amazing collection of beautifully haunting photographs.

The habit blog and its commitment to showing beauty in the everyday.

Pixie Campbell's wonderful, colorful paintings, and her knowledge of animal medicine.

Ninety-nine cent nailpolish by N.Y.C. in Plaza Plumberry.

This couple, and their fabulous relationship with God.

This dress on Mod Cloth. :)

What are you loving this week??

10 random facts about myself.

 

1.  I absolutely, positively, friggin' LOVE elephants. (See above.)

2.  My biggest dream in my teen years was to be a back-up dancer for Britney Spears. 'Tis true.

3.  I want to one day adopt a child.

4.  I hate those super-fuzzy, thick, soft socks. Crumbs and all kinds of nasty get stuck in them and it really freaks me out.

5.  I met my hubs while we both worked in a drug-store photo department.

6.  My favorite food in the entire universe is fresh spring rolls with peanut dipping sauce.

7.  Speaking of food, certain flavors of Jello make me really nauseous. But I can always eat peach flavor.

8.  I dream of writing a book, but I'm not sure that I'm committed enough. Right now, I have app. 3 under construction, none of them are halfway done, and they all have shady subject matter. Also, I'm always getting distracted by pretty colors and paper and glue, which I like a hell of a lot more than writing. Oh well.

9.  I smoked for years. I have not smoked for almost four. :) I never regret it. I never crave a cigarette.

10.  I want to move my entire family to some awesome commune where we can all farm and sew and watch each others kids on date nights and make amazing art.

The End. <3