What I Did This Summer.

I hiked and biked. Not nearly as much as I wanted, but I did it. This summer was the summer of fighting against pain to do the things I wanted to do.

I visited a pool that had "adult swim time", which my mom and I agreed would be a stellar title for a dirty romance novel.

I walked to the tops of the highest hills I could find, then sat there for a while enjoying the view. I thought a lot and reassessed a lot of things, trying to decide what truly matter to me now at almost-30.

I went to the beach with my family. It wasn't the greatest vacation we've ever had. There were a lot of complications and problems I won't go into here, but there were also moments like this, watching the people I love run around in the sand, free and happy, the best versions of themselves.

I ate a lot of watermelon and a lot of late-night pizza. I drank kahlua and cream, iced coffee, and wine (not at the same time). I got tipsy with my mom over the most liquor-filled sangria I've ever had.

I watched my son ride a horse for the first time. I watched him fall in love with it. He wants to grow up and be "an engineer and a cowboy".

I made a lot of art. I painted and glued and collaged. I burned out and started up, over and over again. I battled a lot of demons with a paintbrush.

I finally opened up an online shop.

I started hoopdancing again. I felt my body remember how to do the movements, and as a result, felt more connected to myself than I have in a long time. It's nice to be capable, no matter how small the accomplishment.

I made fresh tomato soup, and homemade french fries, and granola. I picked and dried dandelion and plantain and red clover. I made sun tea and dried apple chips and eggs benedict.

I cried a lot. Living with fibromyalgia of ever-increasing severity is no joke. There are days where I am seriously in trouble and there's just not enough help to be had. So I let myself cry, and cry often. There is so much to work through when you live with chronic pain.

I sat out on my porch during thunderstorms.

I watched my son grow tall and lengthen and lose the last of his tiny-boyness, which broke my heart. I made a lot of love and had a lot of arguments. I took long drives through the trees. I woke up with the sunrise on good days and let myself sleep in on the bad ones. I read some amazing books, watched a few movies from my childhood, most notably Little Women and The Secret Garden. I despaired over being so poor, then rejoiced over the simplest things, like homemade marinara sauce, and butter on good bread. I made myself underwear (much like this), and planned more sewing projects. I took my hub on mini-dates to our favorite Thai restaurant, where we ate the yummiest pad thai, shrimp dumplings, and miso soup. I went into the woods at every given opportunity. I left my phone at home a lot. I alternated wildly between feeling horrible about myself and being immensely proud of my achievements. I felt more like a grown-up than ever, which was both terrible and wonderful.

What did you do this summer?

Summer so far...

We went to the beach.

We explored the cutest of cute boutiques.

We ate good food.

And drink.

I sold some art.

And dyed my hair pink.

I watched my son rediscover drawing.

We watched a lot of beautiful sunsets.

And drank buckets of coffee.

Before our boy goes back to school, we would also like to:

1. Go to the zoo.
2. Hike up to our favorite waterfall.
3. Have a day-long picnic at the river.
4. Have my brother and sis-in-law overnight.
5. Run away to the harbor for a bit, preferably at night, when all the ship's lights are aglow.

What have you done this summer? What do you hope to do?

What I Did This Summer.

I ran. I ran down every back street and alley in my little town. I ran in the woods. I ran through creeks. I ran in the rain. I ran in 100 degree weather, something I do not advise. Then I stopped running, not by my choice, but there I was.

 I had multiple minor surgeries, and something called "nerve-burning", which I also do not advise unless you absolutely must. I felt afraid. A lot. I cried. Bawled, wailed, you name it. I cried a lot this summer. And I also laughed. At the futility of even pretending that we have control over our lives, at all the ways we create the illusion of control, the ways we attempt to hold our fates in our tight, controlling hands. I belly-laughed too, which is a different sort of laughter. I laughed in bed when I couldn't go anywhere, I laughed by the firepit in the middle of the night, I laughed at and with my son, at and with my husband.

I prayed this summer. I prayed intentional prayers, well-thought-out prayers, full of poetry and light. I prayed in gibberish, in tongues, in and through tears and out through my lips, and I prayed in the quiet of the night by the sleeping figures of my loved ones. I prayed that in facing my own darkness, I would come out victorious. And I did.

I ate. I ate berries for nearly every meal, either alone, or scattered across pancakes, or my morning oatmeal, or yogurt. I ate corn on the cob so crunchy and sweet that the kernels burst open between your teeth, salty and buttery, sometimes an entire meal being nothing but sweet corn and herb butter. I ate ice cream on the beach, cold in my mouth while the sand was hot on my feet. I ate perfect, tiny, glazed doughnuts and washed them down with cup after cup of strong coffee. Oh, and I drank. I drank wine. And beer. Iced tea with mint sprigs and sliced peaches. Glasses and glasses of ice water. Ginger ale when I didn't feel well. Smoothies when I did.

I painted. I danced (a little). I sang in my kitchen. I designed invitations for my brother's wedding. I collected things, feather, shells, leaves, flowers, pieces of tree bark, dirty old things, found paper. I wrote a lot of poems, some terrible, and some lovely. I hula hooped. I gardened barefoot. I grew a little. I made love. And war. I hugged trees. I swam deep. I explored. I hibernated. I missed people that I love.

What did you do this summer?

summer so far.

finally!

Vacation time is here! I'm off to the seaside for one week. I plan on doing tons of outdoor yoga and running, eating and then eating some more, taking long, sandy walks with my husband, and building sand-Transformers with my boy. Until then loves! <3

summering.