Tuesday, May 7, 2013
I wanted to give you all a short update on my health. A lot has happened over the past few weeks, and I haven't shared any of it; I've been focusing on living in those in-between moments instead, the ones that have nothing to do with my body and how it feels. So to make a very long story short: Found a wonderful doctor, one who has experienced the exact type of problem that I've had for so long (bonus!), had 15 steroid shots put into the muscles around my shoulders and neck, and now I'll be going back tomorrow for another injection in my spine, one that will help with the slight bulge I have in one disc and the arthritis (I'm actually 80) that I have in several. I'm not all that apprehensive over the actual procedure...I'm more concerned with how I'll feel afterward. The last round wasn't a picnic; I was extremely nauseated and achy for several days.
I've reached that point where I'm willing to try anything, just to see. And if it causes suffering, then...so be it. Suffering is something I'm well acquainted with. It passes. I'm not a hard-ass by any means, but I've learned that much about pain, that it will eventually move on, or morph into something else.
The thing is--and I'm trying and failing to not get ahead of myself here--is that this could be the thing. The thing that finally helps enough to get me back to the person I remember being.
Maybe I could dance again one day. I almost can't fathom it. It's too much.
Calm, calm, calm. I know. I have stocked up on oatmeal and broth and bananas and prayers. I'm waiting.