Tuesday, April 22, 2014

all that's small and beautiful.



Lately, I am all jumbled, never really asleep, never really awake. I find myself up much later than I should be, painting or trying to write, or quietly padding around while my family sleeps, listening to house-noises I'm unfamiliar with. During the day I clean and unpack boxes, sort, donate or throw away even more stuff. Longer, sunnier days mean more porch sitting, and better chores done in the fresh air. Hayden flits around, back porch to front, then on his bike for a few rounds. I can't keep up with him anymore, so I stop straining to; I just watch him and guard him while he frolics. The husband is off at work for longer hours, beckoned by the sun. I miss him.

I paint, with music, or more frequently, in the quiet of day, with the house empty. I walk the hills and find trails, then wander back home achy and sweating. I collect feathers and leaves and strange rocks, and tell myself that they are omens and signs. I pray and am met by an enormous silence, both empty and full. I don't know yet what it means.

This is a strange time in my life. I'm not truly happy, and I'm not truly miserable. I feel a strong urge every day to keep silent, to watch. There is a lot of change happening.

xo

6 comments:

  1. Transitions are hard on the heart. Good luck figuring out this new season/ place.

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    1. oh yes, very true. my heart is quite achy lately. thank you <3

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  2. the vast in between. may you find your perfect place. xo

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    1. VAST is the word, for sure. i mean...does it end?

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  3. Beautiful pictures and words Sis. :) Can't wait to come over again!

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  4. I love that you have a flicker feather up on your wall, the protector of women. I also love that we did that exact same thing with our feathers, great minds. Transitions are tough, being uprooted, trying to re-navigate our place in the world. Hugs

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