Monday, May 30, 2011

an ode to solitude.

Yesterday I remembered the beauty of solitude and what it feels like to nuture yourself. A day of total tranquility--no husband, no child, no friends--brought me back into my own skin. I'd been feeling displaced and hungry and very, very lonely for a presence I could not name. Now I realize: it's me. I was craving me, craving time spend with the person who is supposed to love me the most.

courtesy of
I've been let down a lot recently, by those who claim to care for me, but never seem to back-up those claims with action. This has left me feeling hurt and miserable and searching. In times of lonliness, I forget that the best friend I will ever have (other than God) is the girl in the mirror. She's the only one who knows.

Knows that I love pink lipstick and that I wear clothes until they fall apart. That the smell of certain flowers fills my eyes with tears for no reason at all. She knows my favorite color is red and that I put too much butter on my toast. She knows that my eyes constantly water when I'm out in the sun and that I see patterns everywhere. She knows my heart when others make no effort to find it.

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the others welcome...

- Derek Walcott, "Love After Love"


  1. b this brought me to tears. i'm so happy you had a day all to yourself. i so understand! xo

  2. it's weird how it's so easy to forget yourself and so hard to love yourself. <3

  3. Wow, I feel a bit like I was meant to find this post. My heart was broken quite a bit this past week by people who say so earnestly that they love me... I've just been moping and trying to find some peace with myself.

    Thank you for reminding me that I know me best, and that my relationship with myself is lifelong and can be so, so fulfilling.

  4. jj--you're welcome. <3 i think we all need reminded, honestly. and don't worry, i moped plenty before all the above thoughts formed!

  5. This was such a beautiful post to stumble upon. I sometimes get this longing for someone or something that I can't quite put my finger on and just like you - realise that the person I'm looking for is me. Life gets so hectic sometimes and after time has been spent on everyone and everything else, it's so easy to forget ourselves. Thanks for the reminder Brittany. I am going to go and run myself a bath and light a candle. x

  6. good <3 so glad to hear this encouraged you!


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