Things I Tell Myself, #2.

poem #58.

58.

A long time ago, my boyfriend asked me: "How much do you weigh?"
I answered honestly, "140", and watched his eyes roll back in his head.

"That much!? REALLY?!?"

I just looked at him, silent, stinging, confused. (He didn't seem to
mind my body when he was inside it.)

"If I had control, you'd be 115."
Smirk. Sit back. Point made.

I should have slapped him, scratched out his eyes,
done womankind a favor. Instead, I laughed it off,
the cool girl, always. Say whatever you want,
treat me like shit, I don't care.
Later, in the bathroom, I cried until my stomach hurt,
until I'd convinced myself I was ugly down to my bones.

It took me years to understand that he was a blind man,
sleepwalking the narrowest path. Took me a while to know,
that if I undress for you, I am giving you a gift. That your
hands, tongue, and words should honor me.

It took me years to see that it gets better.
Years of choosing myself so I could choose wisely.
Choose someone who unwraps me carefully.
To choose the life where my breasts swing,
my thighs jiggle, my eyes shine, and I smile because

I am fully awake.

Sick day smoothie.

I'm fighting off a nasty cold, but thought I'd drop by to share this recipe with you. I like to drink this, along with lots of soup and hot tea, in a concentrated effort to flood my system with vitamin C. I didn't really measure. Combine ice, 1 peeled navel orange, 1/2 a blood orange, and 1/2 of one banana in a blender. Pulse a few times, until the ice and oranges are broken up. Then add 1 tsp. each of cinnamon and tumeric. If you have fresh ginger, throw a small chunk in. Blend on high, while adding coconut water to create the consistency you desire. Obviously, less makes a thicker drink and more makes something akin to juice. If you need to hide the bitter taste of the tumeric, add a bit of your preferred sweetener (I used stevia). And that's it!

I should also add that this is a great drink to have during flu/cold season, regardless of whether you're sick or not. Happy sipping, friends.

*If making this for a child, I'd recommend using a whole banana.

Things I Tell Myself, #1.

I found this goldenrod, Cynthia Rowley sweater at the Salvation Army, and I have been living in it to a ridiculous degree. Then my subconscious decided to buy some wool in the same color. And yes, it actually took me a few minutes with this knitting in my lap to go "Oooooo look!"

In other news, my brain is fried due to Minecraft birthday party planning. Also, math. Maths. Algebraic formulas a.k.a. the work of Satan.

This is an Enderman. He has come to steal my home goods and take them back to the Nether.

I need more coffee.

At home.

1. Using the odd china for succulents.
2. Excited every time this arrives in my mailbox.
3. Collaborative drawing with the boy.
4. Pretty packages for pretty people.
5. Scrap-paper banner I recently made during one of our (many) school closings.
6. Chocolate-cherry-peanut butter oatmeal.
7. Tiny feet.

TBT.

Flashing back to a few years ago, in our old house. These pictures make me laugh every time I see them.

Here's a few things cheering me up on this grey, dreary Thursday:

1. This Bad Lip Reading of the NFL. In this format, I could watch football all day, every day.
2. Andrea's latest post. That lady is a bright ray of light, for sure.
3. The RAW BANANA BREAD SHAKE. Do I even need to explain this one???
4. Lori's stunning Instagram page. I want to move to Californian countryside and knit all the things, immediately.
5. This teacher, who elaborates upon the doodles his students turn in on their assignments. Such a creative, fun way to interact with the kids. I wish more teachers would use humor to create more meaningful moments with their students.



Just a (sad) note:

I hate to end this post on a downer, especially after all that fun stuff above, but I thought I should at least mention that my Uncle died. He was hit by a car while walking. We bury him tomorrow afternoon and I'd like to ask you all to pray for my mother and grandparents. He was a brother and a child, respectively, and while I don't grieve much myself (I didn't know him well, especially in recent years), my heart does grieve very much for them. My Uncle was mentally ill for several years, and lived a sort of vagabond existence, and the whole thing is sad, topped off with a sad ending. My brother and I, and our spouses, are going to literally hold these people up, until the worst has passed.