Wednesday, December 28, 2011

new year.


Thoughts are kind of doing a marble-roll in my brain tonight. How 2012 is here. How, without really trying to, I'm handling the promise of a new year in a completely different way. I'm not really making "resolutions" anymore. I used to make lists, like everyone else, of things I wanted to acheive or eliminate and, like everyone else, I never stuck to these lists and sometimes threw them away in frustration.

I'm not sure that I really expect anything anymore. And I don't mean that in a hopeless way, not at all. But...let's just say that I am letting go. I am letting go of having so much damn expectation about everything. I am letting go of hate and trouble and difficulty. I am letting these things fall through my fingers like sand, so that I can make all kinds of room for more good in the new year.

I do have a few things I've been a little obsessed with lately. I'm feeling much better, and there's a good chance my health might continue to improve,, that right there just opens up a whole new set of doors. The word school is jigging around up there. I'm exploring my options and doing my research, but being extra careful to not put too much stake into anything.

Usually when my brain is so full, I get all frantic and panicky and weird. But this is a different full. It's good stuff. I'm not judging my own experience in any way, and that feels wonderful. (I think that releasing ceremony might have gone a little deeper than I already knew.)

Also, spring will be here before we know it, and there will be flowers again. So that's something to think about, isn't it?


  1. :) This makes me happy Sis! Letting go can be really relaxing. For my part, I'm actually enjoying lists and goals right now. I guess after five or so years of spinning my wheels, checking things off on my list (or at least working towards drawing the check mark) is its own kind of liberating feeling. I love you! :D

  2. and i love you shaney paney! =D i'm sure at some point in life i'll get back to lists and what not--everything has to go through its cycle, after all. for now it feels good to let the pieces fall where they may. i'm just super-glad that you're feeling motivated, as you should: my brother is a GENIUS!!!!! genius-gamer-cheese-man! <3


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